Anxiety

A job.  It's been something of a mythical figure in these parts for some time now.  I've heard that they exist, that the economy is getting better, and yet it still seemed impossible to find.  Kind of like the leprechaun and his pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

There have been times that I looked hard and times that I hardly looked.  And I have had what certainly feels like more than my share of rejection over the past 15 months.

When I was first laid off from my previous position in December 2010, I assumed that my investment career was over... sure, there was an opportunity with Merrill Lynch last summer but I just couldn't see myself selling.  It might be great when the markets are performing well and everyone is making money, but what happens in the year when your clients lose half of everything they have.

I interviewed for several positions for which I had no real experience and maybe moderately transferable job skills.  On more than one occasion I was told that 'we really liked you, but we had a candidate with years of direct experience'.  I can't argue with that and I certainly couldn't compete with it.

In the end, I found a job.  And it happened pretty much the way you hear most jobs happen... a friend knew of an opening at a local investment firm through a friend of his and mentioned me.  He emailed to ask if I would  mind if he sent in my resume (of course not).  There was a phone interview, a lengthy sit-down interview, and then an offer.

Once I accepted the offer, Mommy panic set in.

What will I do with the kids after school?  What will I do with them all summer long?

Turns out, that part wasn't as difficult as I expected... they'll spend three days a week with a neighbor across the street and the other two days with a babysitter (a second mom will get them off the bus and keep them until the sitter arrives).  Yet another mom has offered to keep them before the bus comes on the mornings when nobody can take them to the bus stop.  I live in a fantastic neighborhood with good friends and I am so, so very grateful for that.

Summer was pretty easy too.  When I told the kids that I would be going back to work, they didn't tell me that they'd miss me.  They asked if they could go to summer camp.  Sure!  Summer camp sounds great.  I filled out paperwork and left $1,000 in deposits around town (which, considering I haven't earned even one paycheck yet was a little painful).

Next up - a more professional wardrobe.  One of the best things about my former employer was the very casual dress code.  While I would never have done this, I could have gone to work in sweat pants.  After a week of shopping (which I quite frankly grew quite tired of), I've got enough work clothes to get me into the fall. 

Now the real anxieties begin, the ones that I am sure will persist for a while.

I'm not worried about the job itself.  It's with an investment company so it's familiar territory and I know that I'll learn the ins and outs of this job quickly and easily.  Instead I'll worry about how the kids are making out at their friend's house or with the sitter.  I'll worry about how I will get done all the things that I did during the day (and without the kids) now that I'll be out of the house 40+ hours each week.  Things like laundry and grocery shopping and cleaning.  While I'll do significantly less with Centre Volunteers in Medicine, I'll still have my role as Treasurer of the school PTO and co-leader of Cathy's Daisy Girl Scout Troop.

And then there are sports... Matt's playing baseball this spring (his first season) and practice time is often scheduled at 5pm.  Inconvenient for any working parent in my opinion.  And Cathy starts soccer after Easter.  Add in scout meetings for both kids and it's going to be an  adjustment at our house for sure...

Despite the anxieties, I am still excited.  I am looking forward to getting back into the workforce.  I love my kids and I am (mostly) grateful for the time I had with them, but I am not stay-at-home mom material.

This will ultimately be really good for me, and that in turn will be really good for them!